Moving On Through Morose Delectation

I realize that I may have come across as somewhat bitter in my previous post but I'm a fan, not a professional sportswriter, and this series was especially frustrating. Not so much because the Twins lost to the Yankees, I mean, there really isn't any shame in losing to an opponent that is superior in almost every way. It's frustrating because the Twins did everything in their power to give the games away, and I would have liked to see them put up more of a fight. But I don't think it's healthy to dwell on such things, and so I think it's time to move on. And I think making fun of other people is the best way to do that. Because the only way to feel good about yourself is to make others feel miserable.

Spike TV published a list of the most obnoxious fanbases in sports (no, I don't watch Spike TV, I found this on teh internets), which was both spot-on and hilarious. You might as well quit reading now if you have no sense of humor about your favorite team (um, that's probably why you're on the list in the first place). Now, to be fair, every team in every league in every sport has obnoxious fans. We weren't in the top ten, but I know that Minnesotans can be pretty annoying sometimes. We're always whining about how our team gets no respect from the national media, even though Justin Morneau beat out a crapload of Yankees and Red Sox to win the MVP award in 2006. We also whine pretty much non-stop about our manager and our cheap-ass ownership, even though the team has won five division titles in the past eight years (and boasts some pretty elite talent, by the way). We're always complaining about how awful the Metrodome is, how it's one of the worst places to watch baseball in the country because the seating is so poor and it smells and who in the hell thought baseball should be played indoors anyway? At least when we're not busy bitching about the new stadium because it doesn't have a roof, that is. And flipping off the opposing team during a playoff game (while wearing a Bert Blyleven jersey, at that!) is pretty douchey:

(photo courtesy Getty Images)

And sometimes when things don't go our way, we express our displeasure by pelting the opposition with hats. Or hot dogs (although, in light of recent events, I think we can be forgiven for that one). Gosh, for people who are supposed to be so nice, we sure can act like jerks.

As for the fanbases that did make the list, there were few surprises. Except maybe all English soccer fans. All of them, really? I suppose stabbing opposing fans to death is taking a bitter rivalry a little too far, but Packer fans do that all the time and they're not on the list (Seriously, how are Packer fans not at the top of this list? They're fat, they're drunk, they actually leave the house dressed like this, and they emotionally abuse their own children for having the good sense to not be Packer fans). I hate to dump on Red Sox fans, especially after what happened yesterday, but I thought this was pretty spot-on:

Come on Sox fans, you had to have seen this coming. For God sakes, Ben Affleck has become the celebrity poster boy of your fanbase. For years you were the lovable losers with a humorous outlook and refreshing sense of humility that endeared you to the sporting world. Hell, you were the Susan Lucci of baseball and everyone loved you for it! But then, in 2004, after winning the World Series you became the nerdy girl who grew boobs one summer, got really hot, and became an unbelievable bitch to everyone around her because she didn’t know when this new found popularity or social success would end. Sox fans became more arrogant than Yankees fans ever were, and suddenly began spending Steinbrenner-type money while still bemoaning the Yankees' business structure. The irony, much like the douchebags that line Fenway Park, is getting out of control.

Yeah, that's the thing that really annoys me about Red Sox Nation, too (besides the fact that they call themselves a nation). You guys are not underdogs anymore. Your team has won two World Series championships in the past five years, they've made the playoffs almost every year since 2003, and they have the second-highest payroll in the American League. Your team is actually favored to win things now, embrace it.

But this one about Canucks' fans was by far my favorite:

It’s remarkable how arrogant the fan base of a team with zero Stanley Cups, no Hall of Fame players, and two homoerotic Swedish twins that seem physically afraid of the playoffs can act. It’s literally mind-boggling! These days, when they’re not too busy demanding trades on local radio shows or reminiscing about that year they almost signed Wayne Gretzky, you can usually find Canucks fans preaching about how hosting Jarome Iginla and the Canadian Olympic team will finally establish their city as a genuine hockey town (sort of like how marrying Lamar Odom made Khloe Kardashian a real celebrity – legitimacy by association).

Bwahahahaha, they consider themselves a legitimate hockey town even though they've never won the Cup! Wait...