The Minnesota Timberwolves: You do realize that basketball games are longer than three quarters, right? I would like the following people to stop sucking, right now: Luke Ridnour, Sebastian Telfair, aw hell, everybody except Kevin Love, and maybe Michael Beasley.
LeBron James: Whoo, boy, Bron-bron. I have never wished a devastating, career-ending injury upon any player in any sport, and I don't want to start now, so, please just stop talking:
"Imagine if you could take Kevin Love off Minnesota and add him to another team and you shrink the [league]. Looking at some of the teams that aren't that great, you take Brook Lopez or you take Devin Harris off these teams that aren't that good right now and you add him to a team that could be really good. Not saying let's take New Jersey and let's take Minnesota out of the league. But hey, you guys are not stupid, I'm not stupid, it would be great for the league."
The Minnesota Wild: You do realize that you cannot continue to be outshot by opponents by a 2-1 margin on a nightly basis and expect to win games, right?
The Minnesota Vikings: Sure, it's not your fault the Metrodome roof collapsed (Or is it? I smell a conspiracy), and it's not your fault you had to play in the harsh weather conditions at TCF Bank stadium. But, come on, that is no excuse for that travesty of a game you played against the Bears. After all, the most beloved figure in franchise history showed up in shirt sleeves, and he's 83!
Also, Bryant McKinnie, would it kill you to block somebody for once?
Winter: I am sick of you already, and it's barely Christmas. Go away.
Edit: Seriously, enough is enough. I can't even see out my own window anymore.
Tinsel: I find you distracting.
Surly Furious: Just kidding, we're cool.